Andy and I will soon be 45 and 44 years old, and have been married 19+ years.  In the early days of our marriage, we dreamed of many things for our lives – serving God together by owning a coffee shop, serving God together as college campus ministers, serving God together on a church staff, and also serving God together as international missionaries.

We have now done all of these things – minus the coffee shop dream, (though we still love coffee and coffee shops so maybe there is a future in that one yet?)

“Serving God together” has been the steady common denominator. On our wedding day we asked Andy’s brother and his wife to sing the song “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” – this was, and still is, our heart beat!

Here we are now in Sherbrooke, Quebec (Canada). Two months already! We have experienced lots of French language study, meeting new people, navigating a new city, finding a church, grocery store, and establishing daily patterns.

And though we feel confident that God has led us, and that this is another dream-come-true, one that aligns with our heart beat – IT HAS BEEN SO VERY HARD. This surprised me a bit, I have to admit.

God has captured my heart, so I gladly accept the idea of sacrifice and serving others and living overseas and giving my life away. Because it’s God’s heart! And I love to do what God loves for me to do. This (somewhat) brave heart of mine has leaped forward and embraced this calling to live in Niger, and all of the sacrifices that come along with it.

Which seems to cause problems for the rest of me – my body, mind and emotions. (Thank you very much, oh heart of mine!)

You see, we set out for this year in Canada and even dubbed it “the year of sacrifice” for our family. (I know, rather audacious…but we were trying to prepare ourselves!) The five of us understood this to mean we were entering into a designated time of trial – language acquisition by immersion, leaving all things familiar and beloved, and only dipping into the culture here for one year before a more settled life could happen in Niger. This was our “planned sacrifice”, so to speak.

Now that we are here, it is comical to think we could prepare for all that “sacrifice” even means! Andy said to me the other day, after we had dealt with an unexpected difficulty, “You know Nik, we don’t even know what it means to sacrifice.” Ouch. I mean, I feel like I have given up A LOT to walk this road. Comfort, safety, family & friends being nearby, financial control, to name just a few things. I know how to sacrifice! Right?

But I don’t. Not really. I read recently from Oswald Chambers that in our human nature “we want to choose the place of our own sacrifice.” Like a Christianity buffet – “I’ll take this difficulty and that trial, and a little bit of suffering, but I don’t like the way this painful experience looks, so I’ll just pass for now”. We like to control our lives.

In some ways it is beautifully innocent! We follow our hearts and the convictions we have, but then we naturally feel “upset” and “surprised” when God allows unexpected sacrifices to mingle in with our choices. But how could we have known? There is no way to fully anticipate everything, and I don’t believe God wants us to think that far ahead anyway. This is the human experience. This is how trust is built.

So, here we are. And the “rest of me” – my body, mind and emotions – are playing catch-up to this brave heart of mine! “Wait for me, oh brave heart!” There are challenges we have faced already that we didn’t expect. The biggest one has been walking with our kids through really, really hard stuff because of moving and living in a foreign culture. I view being a missionary as a great honor, yet they are old enough to know what they left behind, and the cost of following Jesus as foreign missionaries affects them uniquely and personally. Understanding this through their tear-filled eyes, and asking them to keep going, has been a personal sacrifice I didn’t see coming.

There is good news in all of this! [I promise I didn’t chronicle this aspect of my journey to receive pity] On the contrary, I know I am learning priceless pearls of truth. More accurately, the Truth I have known in God’s Word is becoming more real to me through our experience. I’m clinging to my Savior with more conviction than ever before, and I feel His sweet Presence and friendship daily. He answers me when I call, and His peace truly is my inheritance.

Hebrews 12:1-3   

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

There is a haunting story – I’m told it’s a true story – about two families and one beach ball. It left a strong impression on me when I first heard it, but it especially keeps coming to mind as we are in the final throes of our departure.

The story goes like this… two missionary families (from different mission agencies) were living in a remote place, side-by-side, surviving life in a difficult place as they served the Lord in that land. Both families lived on the same compound, had children who had become special friends, and both families loved each other deeply. The country in which they were serving experienced a devastating and dangerous political situation, which caused them to consider whether or not to stay in their work. There was a night when one family wrestled with the decision to leave, and their mission agency agreed that they should go. Right away. As in, that very night in the middle of the night! There wasn’t time for goodbyes. All they could do was pack their things and helicopter out. In an effort to at least let the other family know what happened, they took a sharpie pen and wrote a goodbye message on a beach ball, and left it for the other family. Off they went. As the sun rose, the left-behind-family found the beach ball. The scrawled-upon plastic ball was their only connection with their dear friends.

As the story unfolds, the left-behind family was hurt and confused. No closure. No hugs. Not a chance to say a few words of encouragement and love. The void of connection was more difficult than the departure. A beach ball. 

This story was told to us as an example of what NOT to do. Don’t leave beach balls for goodbyes, people!

Saying goodbye is just plain hard. We know that we will most likely see our friends and family again – it isn’t a forever goodbye. But it stings nonetheless. I’m extremely relational – perhaps a bit overly sensitive. I really want to make sure that people know how much I love them, will miss them, how much they’ve meant to me…and I struggle to find adequate ways to communicate this! Especially amidst the chaos of packing and preparing to leave. There is so much to do! Sometimes the people part – the relational part – falls to the side.

I’m coming to grips with this fact: my best intentions will fall short in some way. Someone will be overlooked, will not get a hug. I’ll leave behind the dreaded beach ball in some way, I’m sure of it. And this kills me! My perfectionism tendencies are highlighted with so many important things in front us. (*sigh*) It’s time to take a deep breath, and accept grace.

Aren’t we all simply doing our best? Life is full of expectations and demands that go beyond our abilities. We must accept our limitations – and the limitations of others – with grace and humility.

We’ve got two weeks to go, and many boxes left to pack. I certainly hope I don’t leave the proverbial beach ball behind when we leave in a couple of weeks. But if I do, I’ll gladly accept your grace!

 

 

 

We thought it was time for a little update to the design of our blog – though the content is essentially the same. The “tabs” are now located at the left, where you can access more information about our life and ministry in N!ger.

You are able to sign up for our regular email updates by clicking on the family picture image in the left column, (which we call our “connect card”).

Lastly, here are a few pictures (below) of our recent fundraising events.

(I know the picture above is an awkward photo of me, but I wanted to show you a new experience – sharing our ministry vision in a local coffee shop! Pretty cool!)

 

We field a multitude of questions regularly. That is a big part of our “job” right now as we raise financial support for our return to N!ger. So, we truly welcome the dialogue! One question that has been repeated time and again is something like this: How will your ministry work in the cultural context of N!ger – with the Musl!m influence, and the traditional African influence, and the obvious fact that you are a white family from the affluent USA?

The friends that pose this question are brave to ask – since this hits right at the heart of our whole intent to be there! The implications in that one question are diverse:

Why bother going to all the trouble if we are facing insurmountable obstacles?

Are we wasting our time, naively believing that a dent can be made in the reality of injustices that exist in N!ger?

Will the people listen to white folks who’ve experienced nothing of their hardships and their historical inequalities?

Is it worth the cost – financial and personal – to uproot our entire family to live there?

These questions motivate Andy and I to be prepared when we arrive in Niger – with materials we can share, to have a plan, anticipating the cultural barriers we will face.

Recently, though, I pondered this question longer than usual. I left our most recent event speculating why in the world we are naive enough to do this? I wasn’t questioning our calling to go, but I wondered why that question wasn’t stopping us in our tracks.

I prayed about this.

I asked God to show me how to reconcile the audacious nature of our journey, with the reality of the obstacles we face. 

And he showed me something interesting, almost comical!

He posed this question to my heart – “Nikki, when you look at the Puget Sound bodies of water, would you have ever believed that a bridge could be built for cars to cross? Or, when you consider the incredible force and technology required for a man to fly to the moon, would you have believed it?”

I had to laugh! Because, I do actually wonder, as I am driving over the Narrows Bridge near our home, how in the world someone actually thought it was possible! Didn’t they see the obstacles? The impossibility of the task? How did they embark on such a ludicrous enterprise?

I’ve asked these things out loud. My family politely giggles at my curiosity.

I realize there are countless wonders of the engineering world that I could mention here, but those were the things God brought to my mind. And it brought me to this realization: God gives us the faith to do the things He is asking of us. Plain and simple, it is God’s gift.

I am not deterred by the ridiculous nature of our ministry. I don’t lose sleep over whether or not the truth of God’s word will affect the people we meet in N!ger.  I simply know that God is going with us, and God’s Word will be our message, and God’s love is in our hearts, and to God be the Glory.

Love. Truth. Grace. Forgiveness. Freedom. How can this message not have an affect?

God has given us faith for the possibilities, rather than fear of impossibilities.

And He will lead someone else to build bridges and fly to the moon.

Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…”

 

On the bookshelf – (well, on my bedside table actually) – is a book I recently finished that I want to share with you. It is called “When Helping Hurts” by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert.

The tag line says “How to Alleviate Poverty without Hurting the Poor…and Yourself”.  Are you interested yet? Ha ha! Well I don’t blame you if it sounds boring, but let me tell you that I truly believe that every Christian should read this book!

Allow me to give you just a glimpse of why I make this bold statement.

The mission of the Church. The task of God’s people is rooted in Christ’s mission – particularly in spreading the good news among the hurting, the weak, and the poor. “Hence, it is not surprising that throughout history God’s people have been commanded to follow their King’s footsteps into places of brokenness.” (pg 37) This very truth is why many of you serve your communities, and for our family is why we are going to N!ger. Our God-given purpose is to serve and give our lives away for all people.

“Poverty” isn’t just about money. This book explains the true depth of the definition of poverty – that it has as much (if not more!) to do with relationships as it involves material wealth. I couldn’t possibly summarize those chapters here, but let me assure you that it was enlightening! In a nutshell, when the four foundational relationships – with God, with ourselves, with others, and with creation – are functioning properly, people are able to fulfill their callings of glorifying God by working and supporting themselves and their families with the fruit of that work.

This means that you don’t have to be materially poor to experience poverty. And it also means that you may not be experiencing poverty even if you are materially poor. Money is not the core defining factor – relationships are!

Bringing “relief” is fun. Bringing “rehabilitation” is costly. And when I mean costly, I am not referring to dollars. I mean time, energy, and heart. You see, Christians see a need and immediately desire to fix it, to meet that need. If that person is thirsty, get them water! But…what if they can get water for themselves, but they just simply didn’t know how? Or what if they are thirsty because they wasted their water in some way? You see, providing RELIEF is to get the water. Providing rehabilitation is to teach and train and educate and disciple about water habits, water use, and water conservation. You’ve heard the old adage about giving a man a fish, versus teaching him how to fish? It’s the same idea, only adding a spiritual dimension.

The authors share in great detail how bringing relief is important at times, and then how crucial it is to move toward rehabilitation and ultimately development. All of this effort works toward reconciling broken relationships.

“One of the biggest mistakes that North American churches make – by far – is in applying relief in situations in which rehabilitation or development is the appropriate intervention.”

Some final thoughts. I’m thankful our mission agency required this reading. It has deeply encouraged me, affirming our call to this work in N!ger. You see, it is easy to argue that our work with marriages and families might seem “less important” than translating the Bible into new languages, planting new churches, or providing much-needed medical care.

No one has actually said this to us, but I admit that I’ve struggled with lies like those.

But when I think about the power of reconciliation,

the gospel of grace being lived out in homes by husbands and wives,

children honoring their parents and being truly discipled,

and the sheer joy of forgiveness in a person’s life…

When I think of these things, I realize that there is not a short term mission trip* which will provide the necessary investment of time, energy and heart to produce this. Our family is going to N!ger to share our lives with the people there, to help them learn “how to fish for themselves” when it comes to Biblical marriage and family issues.

Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.     1 Thessalonians 2:8 (NIV)

*I love short term mission trips! Please don’t misunderstand me. I believe there is an important place for short term service – here and abroad – and our own family has benefited from short term teams coming to N!ger to help us in desperate situations. If you ever have a chance to serve on a short term mission trip – do it! But read this book first! 🙂

We are in the final week of our training – linguistics, conflict resolution, culture transition and so much more! What a whirlwind of activity and information – the proverbial “fire hose” – filling our minds and hearts with truth that is preparing us for our lives on the mission field.

Here is a brief update on this faith journey for our family:

• We are registered for one year of French language study in Canada, starting in January 2016.
• We will continue to live in Tacoma, WA until we depart for language school.
• Our fundraising continues! We have reached 90% of our one-time needs, and 60% of our monthly needs. We are right on time and thankful for these next few months to reach our goals.
• With God’s direction and provision, we will be back in N!ger by January 2017! 

Have you ever attempted to DO SOMETHING that required years of commitment to accomplish? A college degree? Paying off a debt? Mending a relationship?

I sometimes ponder if all of this effort and dreaming and praying and training and asking for help and believing is ever going to get us there?

It is a marathon! Is it just me? Is persevering just. plain. hard. work? I have to admit I am pretty weary of this phase of preparation for our ministry in N!ger. I just want to get there and start learning and start serving! Go go go!

What is that old saying… “Good things come to those who wait”? Or “Anything worth having is worth fighting for”? (something like that!)

I guess it’s time for me to have my own saying! How about this:

Obedience to God produces peace in my life, no matter how long it takes!

“You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3

So…. ONWARD!

 

 

Lately I find myself in conversations where I long to explain more about what life is like for us in Niger. It’s that innate need to be understood, or to be known. Oh sure, we aren’t necessarily going to always be understood or known – except by God, of course! But I think we all crave it from our fellow humans.

It happens randomly. For example, I was at my boys’ track meet recently, and someone’s sandwich fell on the ground. We laughed as the man dusted off the dirt, and joked about the 3-second rule.

 

 

I’m not even sure if he ate it, but I blurted out (awkwardly) “I can think of a country where you wouldn’t want to do that!” Not surprisingly, an equally awkward silence followed.

“Oh,” I blundered, “where we lived in Niger the ground everywhere was used as, you know, a bathroom.” (Polite laughter.) What in the world? 

I went on to describe the scene in Niger, where people of all ages use the ditches and roads for their “relief”. Along with the cattle, goats, sheep and chickens. It was interesting stuff!

But really, did it need to be shared? I mean, it is kind of gross. And a bit “out in left field”.

But the man dusting the dirt off his sandwich brought it to my mind and I didn’t want to have that memory alone. I just wanted to share it! (*sigh*) Even if it isn’t exactly opportune.

Another one of those cross-cultural things about my life now, I suppose. Maybe someday I’ll have some very authoritative conclusions about this missionary life? For now, though, I’ll simply keep stumbling forward and learn to embrace the nuance and humility of living between worlds.

______________________

One more “special share” (like I said, I can’t help it!). Check out this video of Niger a friend of mine found on Vimeo – it is really such an accurate view of everyday life in Niger. Enjoy!

https://vimeo.com/43457870

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us  (Hebrews 12:1)

I don’t like to run, at least not for long distances. But I can imagine that if I did have to run any distance longer than a mile, having a friend with me would make it more enjoyable (and possible).

Being a missionary is naturally isolating. It comes with the territory – and anyone who takes this step knows this loneliness is part of the calling. You might think the loneliness arrives when the person or family is living in the foreign country they serve. But it comes much sooner than that! For us, as soon as we made the decision to return to Niger long-term, we automatically put ourselves into this “in-between place”. We now spend our free time fundraising (planning events, writing letters and thank you’s, etc) rather than hanging-out with friends and working on our house and yard. We begin to be preoccupied with things in two countries – USA and N!ger. It can sometimes feel like our schedule and priorities are totally out of sync with our friends and family! It isn’t anyone’s fault. This is part of the journey, and we accept it.

But last weekend we experienced the joy of being together with friends and family, all gathered together to help us raise the financial support we need to return to the mission field. We hosted a Dessert Fundraiser at our church, complete with a delicious brownie bar! The best part, though, was that we knew we were not alone. It was such an encouragement to our hearts! We were reminded that we truly are surrounded by “witnesses”, (here and in Heaven!).

 

Not only did we hear some encouraging words from our friends and mentors, David and Kelli Pritchard, our own kids were able to have the microphone for a change! Nathaniel, Jonathan and Ruth shared their experiences of living in N!ger, spending hours in preparation to choose the right photos and words to describe the unique life of a missionary kid in an undeveloped country. It was very special to hear from them!

 

This was a family event – giving kids a chance to participate and even go do some fun crafts and games together. Our dear friends, the Rodenbeck family, gave away some nice prizes for correctly-answered trivia questions. We learned some fascinating facts about N!ger, such as that the national symbol of N!ger is the endangered Dama Gazelle, or that this sub-Saharan country has it’s own ski resort!

We are truly thankful for this opportunity to be with friends and family and to share the ministry we are called to. 

 

When you decide to do something different with your life, questions inevitably arise! We are faced regularly with many legitimate questions about this whole business of moving to Niger as long term missionaries, and I thought it was time to share some of those questions with you. You might have OTHER questions for us? Please ask! We’d love to dialogue with you. 

“There are hurting people right here in America, why go to Niger?” Of course we see the hurting people all around us here in America, but we also know there are many resources and people here to help them. In Niger, there aren’t any Counselors to call for family issues, and pastors are few and untrained in counseling and family development. We will be serving in a place where the need is great and the resources are essentially nonexistent.

“How long do you plan to live in Niger?” We plan to live in Niger for four years after one year of language school. At that point we will come back to the USA for a “home assignment” (typically one year), then return to Niger for another four-year term. There is flexibility within this plan.

“What do your kids think of being missionaries in Niger?” Nathaniel and Jonathan enjoy the rugged way of life in Niger and are up for the adventure. Ruth can be a little less enthusiastic due to the heat, dirt, and lack of comforts of home. All three say their greatest desire is just to be together as a family as we move ahead towards this call and challenge.

“Where will your kids go to school?” Our kids will attend Sahel Academy, which is a small Christian International School. The school is wonderful and all three look forward to reuniting with friends there.

“Why is language school so important?” Niger was a French colony until 1960 when they gained independence. The national language is French, though most people speak at least one or two other languages from their particular people group. Other than our own relationship and obedience to God, our effectiveness in Niger is dependent on being able to speak their language.

“Are you afraid of Ebola or ISIS? What is the danger?” Does a fireman run from fires or a doctor avoid sick people? There are inherent risks with life in Niger – we know that. We truly have put our lives in God’s care, and though the danger is real, so is His love and protection. Ebola is not close to us in Niamey, Niger (over 1,000 miles away) and though it is a possibility, so is the possibility of Ebola reaching us here in Washington State. ISIS is another thing altogether. It is not our expertise to know the comings & goings of extreme terrorists, but our mission agency, SIM, is in-the-know and we trust the way they guide missionaries when terrorist danger is present.

“How did you know that you were “called” to serve Internationally?” We have always wanted to live overseas as a family – even when we were first married. We didn’t know how it would unfold, but the longing was there. God confirmed this in our hearts when the opportunity to go to Niger was made known to us – we just really wanted to go and felt God was saying “Come away with me and let me show you something”. This irresistible invitation continues today.

“Why are you going back when it was so difficult the first time?” The first term for missionaries can be extremely challenging (this is quite common). We feel we have been tested to some degree and have learned to overcome. Living in a foreign country is something you get better at each year and each term—it does not come easy for anybody.

“The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us.”    –  Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Please share any burning questions you have for us by replying to this blog post!

Part 5: Victory!  By Andrew and Nikki

 

(Kindergarten glory days for these two 6-year olds!)

What is “victory”, when it comes to marriage?

Does it mean that you never argue or disagree?

Does it mean you know what you are doing and where you are going?

Does it mean that you have a certain amount of financial success?

Does it mean that you hold hands in public and kiss each other with every greeting and goodbye?

Does it mean that you never need help?

How do you evaluate something so completely ongoing, moving, changing, unique and advancing into new stages all the time? How does anyone know if their marriage relationship is “successful”? On what scale or standard are things measured?

Throughout our married lives, we have found ourselves on the opposite end of victory many times — a place we might call defeat. The themes of our struggles are probably common to most marriages – finding life purpose and direction, romance and intimacy, financial distress, and finding a place to belong (community).

 

October 6, 1996 (Seriously, people…how HUGE is that bouquet!?)

Defeat is oppressive, confusing, and obstructs joy. It is awful! We both recall times where simply getting out of bed and starting the day took nearly all strength and will power.

Not that we have arrived, but today we find ourselves in a place of strength – dare we say VICTORY? Oneness, security, and confidence describe the way we feel about each other. We hope this doesn’t sound too lofty. What we are talking about is altogether blue-collar. But it is our marriage and our life and our friendship, and we are proud of what God has given us while we live on planet Earth.

How did this happen? How did we move from defeat to victory?

Basically, we had to learn a thing or two….

• We have learned to stand in a place of faith. The Lord seems to open doors in our darkest hours as we look to Him. He is the way-maker when our own energy, fight, and resources are finished. (Isaiah 30:18-21)

• We have learned to surrender. Often we have had to change our expectations, as they were not in line with God’s. Sure, we’ve wrestled to force things to go our way at times, but in the end, He was an immovable force. The way to victory was surrendering to God for a changed heart and acceptance of His way. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

• We have learned to persevere. Never give up. Stay in the game. Hang on for dear life! We have learned to throw off shame and condemnation even when we have continued to fail (what seems like) an infinite amount of times. If we hang on, God will pick us up and give us a chance to start anew.

• We have learned to ask for help. The enemy will often present the argument, “Shouldn’t you be past this by now. Are you still so unholy or immature? “ This is when our natural reaction is to hide. But God says, “Raise your hand, ask for help, be known.” What a relief! For us, the primary help source has been older mentor couples that have come alongside and walked through trials with us.

• We have learned to desire continual transformation. Keep growing! We love it when our favorite athletes say something like this, “I just want to get better every day. That is my goal, just to get better.” Early on, we simply wanted to “arrive”. Arrive where? At some place of finished maturity or something, perhaps. Yet true victory has come from understanding that we never arrive. We are never too old to learn. Never too old to grow.

 

(1998 – We simply couldn’t resist visiting this famous field while living in the midwest!)

We embarked on this writing project to share our marriage and family story, allowing others to get to know us a little better, and to reveal our deeper motivation to work with marriages and families in the African church in Niger. Our story is full of ups and downs, and through it all Jesus has been the answer and solution to our need. We want to share this hope with others!

We are moving to Niger where we will mentor and encourage Africans in their marriage and family lives. Little did we know that God has been preparing us for this journey for many years!

Please let us know if you would like more information about our ministry in Niger – email andrew.gray@sim.org or nikki.gray@sim.org.

Back to Niger Progress Report:

One Time Financial Support : 33%

(Goal: $80,000) Current: $26,500

Monthly Financial Support: 28%

(Goal: $7,500/month) Current: $2,100